A Bit on The Side...

Okay, this blog is not nearly as exciting as the title hints at... well, depending on your perspective. Good food can certainly be a nearly orgasmic experience! Since we are in the throes of the Holidays (oh good, more sexual innuendo!) I am thinking hard about menu selections that are relatively guilt free. The good news is... I'm going to share some side dish recipes that are really fabulous alternatives. Bad news... even the healthiest of dishes still have calories! (It took TWO WEEKS to get rid of the 5 POUNDS)I'd gained during the relatively healthful Thanksgiving weekend!) So, being grounded in realism... I'm just hoping to maintain the status quo for Christmas. I figure if I lose 4 or 5 pound before Christmas, I'll be back up to this weight by New Years! Yes, back on the far reaching plateau I've been on for a month now! Okay, enough whining... let's talk side dishes. When you think about Holiday dinners... I mean, side dishes are sort of our nemesis, right? Most of us have some lovely form of protein... turkey, a roast... and while we might over do a bit on the main dish, let's face it, it's the mashed potatoes, stuffing, candied yams, etc. that are our complete undoing! So here is my strategy... if I include some truly delicious side dishes that are less, oh say... an absolute worship of fat and starch! Maybe I will be content eating more of one and a hell of a lot less of another! So naturally I am going to start by sharing a recipe for potatoes! Well, in my household, mashed potatoes are a must! I used to love making the garlic mashed potatoes with sour cream, butter and cheese. I know that this will be hard for you to believe but the following recipe, a much, MUCH healthier version, is soooo damn good... even my kids love these mashed potatoes. I'll go one further! Even my snotty teenage daughter who hates everything I cook loves these potatoes!

Wasabi Mashed Potatoes

(note: yes I know that some of you are put off by the wasabi... "it's too hot..."
"it burns my nose!" SUCK IT UP!!! You're going to have to trust me on this one... remember my snotty teenage daughter, you who doubt!)

8 (or 10 small) red potatoes, washed and cut into quarters
Chicken or beef broth (low sodium)
6 cloves of garlic
Fresh ground black pepper
1 tablespoon of wasabi powder
1 tablespoon of water

Place your cut up potatoes in a large pot. Pour enough broth in to cover the potatoes. Peel the garlic, no need to slice, and throw it in the pot. Cover and cook on medium high heat until the potatoes are soft. While they are cooking mix the wasabi powder with the water to form a paste (use more or less water as needed) and set it aside. When the potatoes are done, pull them and the garlic out of the broth and place in a large mixing bowl. Add about half of the broth and beat with a mixer until they are the right consistency for mashed potatoes. If you need more liquid, add more from the broth you cooked them in. Once they have been completely blended, season them with plenty of fresh ground pepper and add in the wasabi paste. Use your mixer to completely blend in the wasabi. You want it evenly distributed through the entire bowl of mashed potatoes. Believe me... a really delicious side dish!

This next recipe is a fairly new one. Some of you might remember a previous blog where I mentioned that I'd created a new side dish that would bring tears to your eyes? Well, this is it! It is amazingly delicious, pretty and festive! Best of all, if you want two helpings? Go for it!!!

Preheat your oven to roast at 375 degrees
First step is to create the sauce. In a small sauce pan mix the following ingredients:
1 cup apple cider vinegar
2 tablespoons Splenda brown sugar
2 tablespoons Splenda white sugar
1 tablespoon fresh minced garlic
1 tablespoon fresh minced ginger
(I'm lazy, I buy the fresh ginger preminced in a little jar, not powdered though!!!)
1 (or 2) teaspoons toasted sesame oil

Mix the ingredients and bring to a boil. Simmer to reduce the liquid to nearly half.
Set aside the sauce while you prepare the veggies:

In a large mixing bowl place
1 medium sized bag of small, fresh carrots
1 red or sweet onion, roughly chopped
1 large (or 2 small) tart apples (like granny smith or braeburn) cored, peeled and rough cut

Stir the veggies and apple just to mix them up. Now, pour your sauce over them and stir to completely coat all of the vegetables and apple chunks.

Lightly spray oil a 9x13 cake pan. Pour the contents of your mixing bowl into the cake pan and place in the preheated oven. Roast this dish for 30 to 40 minutes. You want the tops of the veggies to be golden brown, and the carrots to be "forkably" soft. The sauce should be a lovely, caramelized glaze on the apples, carrots and onions. OMG!!! This dish is sooooo good!

Next blog... we're talking dessert! I have a confession to make... next week regarding desserts. In the mean time, and this is definitely connected to my future confession... let me know if any of you are interested in recipes for homemade ice cream! Leave a comment on this blog if you have an ice cream maker. Otherwise... I won't include those recipes... those amazing, delicious, creamy, wondrous recipes!

Holiday Survival Guide, Appetizers

Well, I have been horribly remiss about keeping up with my blog. I have had a very odd few weeks during which I have learned a few things about myself. Some good, some not so much. However, believe it or not, I am not going to digress (at least until some time down the road.) I would like to apologize to my follower Bendingo who was kind enough to post a recommendation of my blog. I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to respond... time got away from me and, well... as I said, an odd few weeks!

So now here we all are smack in the middle of the Holiday season! I am going to devote my next few blogs to a survival guide of festive recipes that won't have you sobbing out your New Years vow to lose weight! Speaking of which, my diet has reached this terribly frustrating plateau stage. When I say plateau I mean a plain the size of the Kalahari Desert!!! I will go a month of not losing an ounce, then dribble off a few pounds only to be stuck there for another month! Honestly i have lost and gained the same two pounds about 20 times! Unfortunately that doesn't mean I get to claim a 40 pound weight loss! Mind you, I am not being as vigilant as I was in the beginning during my uber rapid loss. Frankly, I'm not going to be... at least for the time being. I am seeking out a lifestyle that is livable! Uh... there is a chance that I am living a little too large. I want to drop 5 or 10 between now and Christmas, but for the most part I will be very satisfied if I can maintain throughout the Holidays, without gaining anything! That being said, I am going to share a few recipes that help me, and could help you get through the ensuing festivities, without gaining weight and without feeling like a martyr!
Let's start with appetizers. You know those potluck type of get togethers where everyone brings chips and cookies? I know, I know, there is always the vegetable tray ensemble to munch on, but let's face it... without the ranch dip, a veggie tray is just not that festive! So following is a recipe for a dip I call "Death by Garlic!!" This is not a dip for the faint of heart! Nor is it a good alternative for anyone planning on making out after eating! However, if you are a garlic lover (as I am) and love spicy food (as I do) you will definitely dig this dip! (Yes of course the pun was intended.)

Death by Garlic!!

In a blender pour
1 cup of flax seed oil (yes I know it's godawful expensive... but so good for you!)
1 cup pasteurized egg whites
5 or 6 cloves of fresh garlic
1 tablespoon of fresh horseradish
juice from one lemon
plenty of salt free lemon pepper

Blend to the consistency of mayonnaise. Add more egg whites to thin, more oil to thicken. Refrigerate for an hour or so before serving (if you can.) I have stored mine in the refer for up to a week. Frankly it's never lasted longer than that because my teen son will actually eat it with a spoon! Fabulous as a dip, and I always serve it with my baked chicken fingers (a recipe I will share at a later date!)

Here is another appetizer recipe that we all love... Candied Jalapenos.

In a small pot, place 1 1/2 cups of water
1 1/2 cups Splenda
1 tsp cumin
1 tsp chili powder and a few drops of green food coloring.

Place on fairly high heat and bring to a boil.
Slice 5 or 6 large jalapeno pepper (leaving the seeds in them) in 1/8 inch thick rounds. Put the jalapenos into the syrup and let them boil in it for 4 minutes. Use a slotted spoon to remove the jalapeno slices to a wax paper covered cookie sheet. Spread them out and let them cool. Turn the heat off under the syrup, but leave it where it is. In about 15 minutes, heat the syrup to a boil again and throw the jalapeno slices back in. Once again, let them bubble along for 3 or 4 minutes. Remove them again to the cookie sheet and let them cool once more. Now repeat this process two more times. Once you have dipped them four times they are lovely, sticky little gems. You also should have a little syrup left over that I have put to great use! (I've used it as part of a dipping sauce, as barbecue sauce, I even made non fat, no sugar jalapeno cheesecake ice cream with it once... and it was good!)
I have found (at a health food store but I'm sure they are in other places as well) these rice crackers that are round, cheese flavored thins that come in a boxy tube. They're terrific and have acceptable levels of fat and sodium. I smear them with a little non fat cream cheese and top them with the emerald green candied jalapenos for a fabulous and festive appetizer that is pretty damn guilt free!

Okay, those are my survival hints for appetizers. Next blog I'll share some side dish recipes that are amazing (oh... and did I say festive?)

Mid week mini blog: The Leaking Coffee Pot

Okay, this blog is about me venting... I don't think that I can even pretend that it has anything to do with health and diet, although a case could me made for the causes of "stress eating"! Please understand that this entire fiasco is MY HUSBAND'S FAULT!!!!
I went and got groceries this morning, a load of them. My kitchen did not have a spare inch of counter showing (admittedly I am not the best house keeper in the world) so where to put them was a dilemma. I decided that since it is quite cold out, that I would leave them in my car and clean up the kitchen before I brought them in.
My husband, who is madly adicted to caffeine, has a leaky coffee pot. We have argued over the damn thing because he says "we can just order an o ring and fix it." I, who have lived for three years with a one burner stove ("we can just order a new plug and fix it!") have said... "JUST BUY A NEW COFFEE POT!!!" Now, in my quest for kitchen counter space, I picked up a bag of pancake mix (my daughter suddenly wants them every morning and since I have a hard time getting her to eat, I comply) and head for the pantry with it. Just as I reach the doors the soggy, coffee dripping bottom blows out and I have a cloud of pancake mix covering me and the floor! I'm not going to lie, the f bombs were flying! I got the broom and dust pan and started sweeping up the mess. With every lift of the broom more little clouds stirred up, spreading the mess further and further. Finally I got the powder swept up, and with the broom hovering over the dust pan, got out the front door and to the trash can.

Returning to the kitchen cleaning production, I was emptying the dishwasher when it hit me. I smelled dog shit. Now we have a most beloved dog who is 15 years old and frankly quite senile. He is also incontinent. "Damn it Ranger!" I yelled and started searching for the giant pile of poo that I knew he had left for me. I looked all over the upstairs... dining room, familyroom, office... and nothing. I returned to my task and thought, "I know I smell dog shit!" Well guess what? I was packing an entire turd on the bottom of my shoe that the old boy had left on the deck, which I had now stomped all over the entire upstairs of my house!!! SHIIIITTTTT!!!!
I am going to kick my husband tonight, then I am going to take him shopping for a new damn coffee pot!

A Day in the Life of a (non)Diet

Okay, some pretty basic information about a foodies lifestyle change is what... exactly you do eat! I am going to go through a basic day's menu, and share the recipes as they go, (including a one pot spaghetti recipe that will knock your socks off!)

My menu plan begins each day with a daily menu. For instance, here is what you would eat on a typical day:

Since you know that I will digress (it's a given) I am going to start right off by doing so. My husband and I get up at 5AM every weekday. I am not a creature of habit BUT 5 AM is not exactly my creative peak of the day! I make the same breakfast every morning! Someone who was editing my menu plan suggested that it was a fatal flaw... I said "Nonsense! It's easy, it's great and we'll never get sick of it!" Last week, after a year of repeat breakfasts, my husband told me he could not choke down another plate of basic eggs (big baby). So I am reworking the breakfast portion of my menu plan. However, here is the basic eggs recipe for you. This ought to hold you for a year or so!

Breakfast

Basic Eggs for 2
4 ounces ground turkey sausage
½ cup egg whites
½ grapefruit or fresh seasonal fruit
Basic Eggs for Two
Start with ground turkey, sausage flavored. ( I use Honeysuckle White brand Breakfast Sausage, which comes in a tube. It is a little higher in fat but Holy Cow!!! Good!) Squeeze ¼ of the tube (4 oz) of turkey into a non stick skillet on high heat. Let the turkey sizzle for a minute, turn the blob over and flatten with your spatula. The slightly cooked side won’t stick to the spatula (I learned about that the hard way). Hold the sausage patty with a spoon or fork and gently use your spatula to scrape off bits of the patty to spread around the pan. What you want is ground turkey chunks, no patty, and to let it brown as you pull it apart. Once you have done that, keep turning the meat over until it is browned and cooked completely. Now pour in about ½ cup of egg whites (enough to cover the bottom of the pan.) These cook very quickly. Keep them turning until they are cooked through and mixed in with the turkey sausage. Serve with a half grapefruit or piece of fruit.

Morning Snack
Smoothies for 2
¼ cup pasteurized egg whites
½ cup non fat milk
2 tablespoons Splenda
1/2 banana (save the other half in a baggie for later!)
1 cup frozen strawberries
Place all of the ingredients in a blender. Blend on high until smooth. If you need more liquid add another ¼ cup of egg whites and/or a little more milk.



For Lunch
Lunch meat and rice cakes
A rather effortless meal for your lunch. You get 2 rice cakes with lunch meat piled on them and a handful of little carrots. I like the white cheddar rice cakes. They have a little more salt but the extra flavor is worth it to me. You need to find low fat low sodium lunch meat. The best lunch meat I have found, in terms of sodium, is Healthy Ones. You get eight slices of meat, four on top of each rice cake! Instead of, or with your carrots you can eat strips of green or red peppers and/or a couple of sticks of celery or a few cherry tomatoes.

Midday Snack

Okay, it's another rice cake. Not all days are so rice cake rich, but I am going for ease here!

You get one apple flavored rice cake, smeared with about 2 teaspoons of low fat peanut butter.

Now is when you are going to use that other half of a banana! Slice it in thirds, the long way and place the banana slices on your peanut butter coated apple rice cake and enjoy the hell out of it!

DINNER!!!

Holy cow... it's spaghetti time! By the time you make this easy meal and eat it... I swear you are going to want to give me a french kiss!!! But no need, this one is a freebie!

Spaghetti for 2 (2 meals, so put up the leftovers!)
1 package of rice spaghetti (I like the kind with a bunny logo)
1 pound of ground, low fat turkey)
3 cans of low sodium tomato sauce (do your best to find the lowest sodium one)
½ onion (diced very fine)
1 green pepper (diced very fine)
2 or 3 jalapeno peppers (diced very fine, include a few seeds if you like things spicier!)
6 cloves of garlic (diced very fine
2 tablespoons no salt Italian seasoning
Fresh ground black pepper
2 tablespoons balsamic vinegar
1 tablespoon Splenda
This meal is so easy, and only dirties one pot. Everyone who tries it, raves about it. Start with a big cooking pot. Spray the bottom with a little oil and toss in all of your diced veggies to sauté. Once the onion is translucent, or starting to brown, crumble in the ground turkey and continue to cook. When the turkey is nearly done, stir in the Italian seasoning and add some fresh ground pepper. Pour in the cans of tomato sauce, the balsamic and the Splenda. Allow the sauce to come to a boil. Now use the empty tomato sauce cans to measure the chicken broth and add two and a half cans of broth to the sauce. It should have the consistency of a thin cream soup. Break the dry spaghetti noodles in three and add them into the pot. Stir them in, until the hard noodles are covered with liquid. Allow it to boil for two minutes, stir it one more time, turn the burner off, put a lid on the pot and let it sit for 20 minutes. After 20 minutes, remove the lid and stir it real good again. Put the lid back on and wait for about 5 more minutes. Honestly, you are not going to believe how delicious this spaghetti is! I have doubled the recipe, to feed a crowd or to create extra leftovers. If you are trying to cook a big batch, try 5 cans of tomato sauce, 5 cans of chicken broth, and at least once, while the pasta is cooking, give it an extra stir so you don’t get big clumps of spaghetti stuck to each other.

If you are hungry for dessert enjoy a nice piece of seasonal fruit.

So there you go... a day in the life of a non diet! What I failed to place in the menu is some exercise time! My "workout"regime is fairly simple. I lift weights on a weight machine. I do five sets of ten repetitions, three times. When I started out I was lifting ten pounds. I am lifting 40 pounds now. I also walk a minimum of 10 minutes on the treadmill. Again, starting out I could not do even 1/4 of a mile. My top speed was 1.8 miles per hour. Now I walk about 1 mile (takes me 13 to 15 minutes) and my top speed is 4.3 miles per hour, though I am more comfortable at 4... so I go back and forth. I try to work out 5 days a week. I love water aerobics, it's the only exercise that I truly enjoy... but I've always felt that there was no way I could display my fat ass in a bathing suit in public. Sadly, now that my ass is somewhat less fat, I feel like I can't display my underarm wings publicly! Yeah... I know. My self image issues are a work in progress!

If you try the spaghetti recipe... and you certainly should!!! You had better by God let me know how fabulous it was! (In lieu of the french kiss!)

What's the difference?

Every time I go on a diet I feel either virtuous as hell, or persecuted. Truthfully, it is most often a combination of the two. I pass up goodies and feel virtuous, then I feel afflicted when I am supposed to pretend that a salad without dressing is a treat! Are you kidding me? When I start out I feel so righteous about my virtuous behavior that it actually can carry me for quite awhile. (One time an entire seven months!) The problem, inevitably, is that after months of feeling like a martyr, I would have actually lost such a comparatively small amount of weight that feeling victimized actually seems appropriate. God help me if I were to come up against a Holiday or any kind of stress. (Speaking of which, I actually had a doctor once tell me in a pompous, know it all manner, "You know, sometimes people react to stress by overeating, we refer to it as stress eating." No shit, Sherlock?) What I do know for sure is that I cannot live on virtue alone. I am not capable of seeing "dressing free salad" (just as one example) as a lifestyle change because who in the hell can live like that? Don't answer, I know that some people do... just not people I would enjoy being around! So... here is my point, strong feelings of (okay I'll say it again) virtue, or righteousness, or anger, or guilt, etc. can't be sustained indefinitely. It's too much! No wonder so many of us are doomed to try and fail over and over again! So why was this time different for me?

This time, when I became determined to lose weight, I did it because I had a horrible, painful need to get control back over my life. My weight issues had slowly taken over more and more until, finally... they were in control. This time... it was all about me and I wasn't virtuous, I wasn't angry or pouty, I was calm. I didn't mention what I was doing to anyone (except immediate family) because, well... it was mine! I started on the hardcore program that I mentioned in my original post. I didn't suffer from hunger, but it wasn't something that I could see as a lifetime commitment (which is what I needed.) The thing is, I lost weight so friggen' fast that I was not at all tempted to deviate! However, at the end of the month and a half program, I also knew that I needed to explore and find a way that I could make healthful eating, long term livable!

After I lost about 50 pounds, which sadly was not that noticeable to anyone besides myself (the last ten show more than the first fifty) I had a dream. No, no... not as in "someday I shall..."; a go to bed, snore too loud, sleeping dream. I dreamt that we were going to a family reunion. My husband and I were in a hotel room, just getting ready to head out the door and I grabbed a small pillow off of the couch and shoved it under my shirt. In my dream my husband looked shocked and asked me what i was doing. I snarled out, "it's none of their fucking business if I've lost weight!" When I woke up the next morning, I had to laugh a little, I mean the dream does sort of speak of family issues! But more importantly I felt empowered. I realized that even at a subconscious level... I was doing this for me, me, me! I owned this experience!

Okay, much as that was a great closing line... how about a recipe? Since I mentioned salad without dressing several times, I am going to share a salad dressing recipe that is killer good. Please don't whine, after you read it, and say, "but I don't like wasabi!" because I have fed this stuff to avowed wasabi haters who had to admit that it is great!

Wasabi Salad Dressing
¼ cup rice vinegar
1/8 cup low sodium soy sauce
1 teaspoon wasabi paste (add water to wasabi powder to make paste)
1 tablespoon Splenda
1 teaspoon sesame seeds
Place all of the ingredients into an airtight container and shake, shake, shake.
Refrigerate.

I HATE TO F---ING DIET!!!

When I first started out on this weight loss journey, I tried a commercial diet program that promised really fast weight loss. I am here to tell you that it was fast!!! In 6 weeks I lost just over 40 pounds. That seems like the answer to prayers but there were some problems as well. For one thing it was really hard core! The amount of food you ate was fine, you really weren't hungry but I didn't know how to be creative enough to make the food palatable. There were three of us in the house hold trying to follow the program (more about that later) and just the shear volume of organizing and cooking was exhausting! This program had almost no fat in it, which seems like a better idea than it actually is! Within a few weeks my back was itching so bad I almost went crazy. Then I broke out in a dry, nasty rash all over my belly and sides. I also found that losing weight that fast wreaks havoc with your body in other ways. I felt exhausted and was very emotional and about half crazy. I don't know, some of that might have been menopause. One morning I got up early to make breakfast for my husband and myself, and I was a little tearful... for no visible reason. My husband sprinkled a little Splenda on his bland, milk free oatmeal and commented casually, "we're almost out of Splenda." I burst into tears and with great wracking sobs cried, "We are almost out of Splenda!" He just stared at me and finally said, "wow." (My husband is a man of few words.)

Eventually I went to my doctor for a checkup and complained about the itching and bitching. I had blood test results that said that my bad cholesterol was way down, but so was my good one! Also, protein levels showed that I was losing muscle along with the fat. Soooo... certain amounts of the right kind of fats are a necessary part of eating, and a person can get down to too few calories a day! Who knew? I sure as hell never thought I would hear a doctor tell me I needed to add a little fat and calories to my diet!!!

My husband... God love him, has never been rude or disrespectful about my weight. In fact even at my top weight he made me feel sexy and attractive. That is mostly attributable to the fact that he is just a horny guy... but I don't mind reaping the benefits! The only thing he ever said to me was, one time, with nothing but love in his eyes, "I can't ever imagine having to live without you and sometimes your health scares me." What a guy huh? So, being the wonderfully supportive mate that he is, he said he would start this diet program with me. He, at that time, could stand to lose 20 or 30 pounds. He also lost very rapidly, too fast for his own good. In a matter of 2 or 3 months he lost 45 pounds. He now weighs the same as when he got out of high school! The problem is... it was not a healthy loss at that speed. He looked emaciated at first, and his color was off. He was tired all of the time. His mom hadn't seen him in awhile and wasn't aware of the fact that we were dieting... she freaked! Too many people asked him if he was sick. I didn't know enough at that point to realize that there is a lot more to improving your health than just losing weight as quickly as possible. (My son, third person in the household trying the diet program bailed after a week, "this is bullshit, I'm not doing it!")

I realized that I needed to find a way that I could serve up good tasting food, using the right kind of healthful ingredients so that we could stay on a comfortable and healthful eating program for the rest of our lives. I also knew that I wanted my husband to quit losing weight but maintain the weight he was at, while I still had a lot of weight to lose and was unwilling to lose it too slowly. I am a creative thinker and was soon coming up with recipes that were great but still within the guidelines that I had created for myself.



At the same time, my sister, who lives in another state was also trying to go on the same diet program. She is a professor and was very busy in her career. She found that the program was far too complicated and time consuming for her to be able to follow it. I know that preparing food had become nearly a full time occupation for me! She offered to pay me if I would make a month long menu with recipes, and a shopping list for her. She also told me that she figured once I put it all together, I would have something I could publish. Ive gotta say... I was excited about the idea. I called my aunt and told her about it. She thought it was a great idea but had a word of warning..."if you're going to write this, you'll have to drop the "f" bomb from your vocabulary!"
I laughed and told her, "BS! If I'm going to write this I'm going to call it 'I Hate to fu*#ing diet!' and I am going to tell it like I see it!" It took me months and months to write down my recipes while I was developing more all of the time. Just this weekend I made a vegetable dish that would bring tears to your eyes! I really enjoy coming up with food that tastes so good, no one would guess that it's low fat, no sugar healthy eating! I'm trying to test market the menu right now (on someone besides me!) My friend Rosa has kept on it, even though her husband refuses to even try "that diet stuff." She has been preparing the healthy food for herself while preparing second meals for him. She told me that he got home one night and asked her, "what's for dinner?" She had stuff out to prepare for him but was just too tired to make another meal. "So I told him, 'I made spaghetti tonight!'" He ate his up completely and told her, "Wow, your spaghetti turned out great !" When she whispered the story to me the next day, I covered my mouth so he wouldn't catch me laughing. "Do you mean," I asked her, "he ate the spaghetti from my recipe and loved it?" "Yes," she whispered gleefully. I laughed out loud then and said, "I can't wait to harass that ass!" Rosa grabbed my arm and in a low, fierce voice said, "you just keep your mouth shut! He doesn't need to know what I feed him!" So, okay, I didn't get to laugh right in his face but I have sure snickered behind his back plenty! Wait until she feeds him my "Sweet, Hot Shrimp" recipe!

Rosa lost about 23 pounds that first month and said that the food was "fabulous!"

I HATE TO F---ING DIET!!!

Introductions are in order!
It has been strongly suggested, by friends and family, that I start writing a blog about the process I am going through in trying to lose a hell of a lot of weight. At one point my doctor told me that my only option was bypass surgery or that band thing... Bullshit!!! I started my diet one year ago and have lost weight very quickly! I have created this menu/cookbook/shopping list tool that I hope to market someday. That day being when I have finally, FINALLY lost all of the weight that I need to lose. That puts me into... about a year from now time frame. Whew! I would like to start right out by stating that this is not a diet plan! It is not a cook book!I am not a doctor, or a nutritionist. Hell, I’m not even a chef! I’m just a fat chick who has lost a fair amount of weight (140 pounds so far) by changing the way I eat. I have a lot more weight to lose. Once I lose 150 pounds I will no longer tell people how much I’ve lost because I do not want to see their eyes roll back in their heads while they try to figure out what I topped out at! (Hell no, I’m not telling you, either!)
Why the hostile title, “ I HATE TO FU*#ING DIET!” you might ask? Well, I’ll tell you… because it is true! I have been on so many diets, so many times, only to lose weight then gain even more back as soon as I quit being hyper vigilant! I am sick of it! If you have a lot to lose, then losing 2 or even 5 pounds a month is demoralizing before you even start.I found that you eat food that is tasteless, feel hungry all of the time, dream of eating the good stuff… and for all of the suffering you do, the results are far less than satisfying.
I wrote this menu, shopping list and recipe collection because I wanted to create a tool for the average person that is simple, easy and fun to follow and offers food that I think is really tasty. There are certain foods that I have just cut out of my life. I thought I would miss them, in fact maybe sometimes I do, but the truth is… I don’t miss them much, or often. For me, just axing them out of my diet is a more simple alternative to trying to eat tiny portions of them. I’m telling you, if I have access to an open bag of chips, I will eat them till they are gone! So… no more chips in my life! (That is not entirely true, there is a recipe in my menu plan for homemade chips that are better than any you can buy, and you can eat them often!) So, what have I cut out? Sugar, wheat, beef, egg yolks, salt (as much as possible) and almost all fats. I have learned that some fats are necessary, so I use flax seed oil and occasionally an avocado sneaks into the menu. I eat potatoes, rice and I even eat pasta. The secret is… I only eat rice based pasta. It costs a little more, but it is well worth it!
The other really important habit I have developed is that I drink A LOT of water. I try to drink 90 to 100 ounces of water a day. There are nights when I have to get up and pee every two hours! You know what I tell myself? “I’ll be down in the morning!” and it’s true! I do not count diet teas or drinks as a water substitute, although I drink a lot of plain hot tea, and I do sort of count that in.
Just losing the first 140 pounds has created so many changes in me that I am often just... almost befuddled. Some are great, some not so much. After years of dreaming of "shopping off the rack" instead of ordering specialty fat clothes, I am doing so! Yes, I am still buying clothes in sizes that would send a skinny bitch screaming, but by God they are normal clothes and that is very cool! On the non ego front, yes cholesterol levels and blood sugar levels are way down and completely within the normal range. Also, and this is weird... I came out of menopause after the first 50 pounds. That doesn't seem like a great thing but comparing menstrual cycle to hot flashes and... oh my God bitchiness, I'll take the monthly! (Unfortunately I will have to face menopause again someday, but I will leave that concern for my husband to worry about!)
What has been sort of funky is my body changes, believe it or not. I am smaller, and look better (although still seriously a fat chick) but criminy... the underarm wings and soggy gut are too disgusting. The nurse in my doctors office growled at me, when I had the temerity to whine,
"IT'S A SMALL PRICE!" But in all honesty... Eww!
So, once I get going on this blog thing (too old to pretend technical savvy) I will write down the daily trials and victories... let you in on some more of the experience up to now and maybe share a recipe or two.