Every time I go on a diet I feel either virtuous as hell, or persecuted. Truthfully, it is most often a combination of the two. I pass up goodies and feel virtuous, then I feel afflicted when I am supposed to pretend that a salad without dressing is a treat! Are you kidding me? When I start out I feel so righteous about my virtuous behavior that it actually can carry me for quite awhile. (One time an entire seven months!) The problem, inevitably, is that after months of feeling like a martyr, I would have actually lost such a comparatively small amount of weight that feeling victimized actually seems appropriate. God help me if I were to come up against a Holiday or any kind of stress. (Speaking of which, I actually had a doctor once tell me in a pompous, know it all manner, "You know, sometimes people react to stress by overeating, we refer to it as stress eating." No shit, Sherlock?) What I do know for sure is that I cannot live on virtue alone. I am not capable of seeing "dressing free salad" (just as one example) as a lifestyle change because who in the hell can live like that? Don't answer, I know that some people do... just not people I would enjoy being around! So... here is my point, strong feelings of (okay I'll say it again) virtue, or righteousness, or anger, or guilt, etc. can't be sustained indefinitely. It's too much! No wonder so many of us are doomed to try and fail over and over again! So why was this time different for me?
This time, when I became determined to lose weight, I did it because I had a horrible, painful need to get control back over my life. My weight issues had slowly taken over more and more until, finally... they were in control. This time... it was all about me and I wasn't virtuous, I wasn't angry or pouty, I was calm. I didn't mention what I was doing to anyone (except immediate family) because, well... it was mine! I started on the hardcore program that I mentioned in my original post. I didn't suffer from hunger, but it wasn't something that I could see as a lifetime commitment (which is what I needed.) The thing is, I lost weight so friggen' fast that I was not at all tempted to deviate! However, at the end of the month and a half program, I also knew that I needed to explore and find a way that I could make healthful eating, long term livable!
After I lost about 50 pounds, which sadly was not that noticeable to anyone besides myself (the last ten show more than the first fifty) I had a dream. No, no... not as in "someday I shall..."; a go to bed, snore too loud, sleeping dream. I dreamt that we were going to a family reunion. My husband and I were in a hotel room, just getting ready to head out the door and I grabbed a small pillow off of the couch and shoved it under my shirt. In my dream my husband looked shocked and asked me what i was doing. I snarled out, "it's none of their fucking business if I've lost weight!" When I woke up the next morning, I had to laugh a little, I mean the dream does sort of speak of family issues! But more importantly I felt empowered. I realized that even at a subconscious level... I was doing this for me, me, me! I owned this experience!
Okay, much as that was a great closing line... how about a recipe? Since I mentioned salad without dressing several times, I am going to share a salad dressing recipe that is killer good. Please don't whine, after you read it, and say, "but I don't like wasabi!" because I have fed this stuff to avowed wasabi haters who had to admit that it is great!
Wasabi Salad Dressing
¼ cup rice vinegar
1/8 cup low sodium soy sauce
1 teaspoon wasabi paste (add water to wasabi powder to make paste)
1 tablespoon Splenda
1 teaspoon sesame seeds
Place all of the ingredients into an airtight container and shake, shake, shake.
Refrigerate.
Monday, September 28, 2009
Monday, September 21, 2009
I HATE TO F---ING DIET!!!
When I first started out on this weight loss journey, I tried a commercial diet program that promised really fast weight loss. I am here to tell you that it was fast!!! In 6 weeks I lost just over 40 pounds. That seems like the answer to prayers but there were some problems as well. For one thing it was really hard core! The amount of food you ate was fine, you really weren't hungry but I didn't know how to be creative enough to make the food palatable. There were three of us in the house hold trying to follow the program (more about that later) and just the shear volume of organizing and cooking was exhausting! This program had almost no fat in it, which seems like a better idea than it actually is! Within a few weeks my back was itching so bad I almost went crazy. Then I broke out in a dry, nasty rash all over my belly and sides. I also found that losing weight that fast wreaks havoc with your body in other ways. I felt exhausted and was very emotional and about half crazy. I don't know, some of that might have been menopause. One morning I got up early to make breakfast for my husband and myself, and I was a little tearful... for no visible reason. My husband sprinkled a little Splenda on his bland, milk free oatmeal and commented casually, "we're almost out of Splenda." I burst into tears and with great wracking sobs cried, "We are almost out of Splenda!" He just stared at me and finally said, "wow." (My husband is a man of few words.)
Eventually I went to my doctor for a checkup and complained about the itching and bitching. I had blood test results that said that my bad cholesterol was way down, but so was my good one! Also, protein levels showed that I was losing muscle along with the fat. Soooo... certain amounts of the right kind of fats are a necessary part of eating, and a person can get down to too few calories a day! Who knew? I sure as hell never thought I would hear a doctor tell me I needed to add a little fat and calories to my diet!!!
My husband... God love him, has never been rude or disrespectful about my weight. In fact even at my top weight he made me feel sexy and attractive. That is mostly attributable to the fact that he is just a horny guy... but I don't mind reaping the benefits! The only thing he ever said to me was, one time, with nothing but love in his eyes, "I can't ever imagine having to live without you and sometimes your health scares me." What a guy huh? So, being the wonderfully supportive mate that he is, he said he would start this diet program with me. He, at that time, could stand to lose 20 or 30 pounds. He also lost very rapidly, too fast for his own good. In a matter of 2 or 3 months he lost 45 pounds. He now weighs the same as when he got out of high school! The problem is... it was not a healthy loss at that speed. He looked emaciated at first, and his color was off. He was tired all of the time. His mom hadn't seen him in awhile and wasn't aware of the fact that we were dieting... she freaked! Too many people asked him if he was sick. I didn't know enough at that point to realize that there is a lot more to improving your health than just losing weight as quickly as possible. (My son, third person in the household trying the diet program bailed after a week, "this is bullshit, I'm not doing it!")
I realized that I needed to find a way that I could serve up good tasting food, using the right kind of healthful ingredients so that we could stay on a comfortable and healthful eating program for the rest of our lives. I also knew that I wanted my husband to quit losing weight but maintain the weight he was at, while I still had a lot of weight to lose and was unwilling to lose it too slowly. I am a creative thinker and was soon coming up with recipes that were great but still within the guidelines that I had created for myself.
At the same time, my sister, who lives in another state was also trying to go on the same diet program. She is a professor and was very busy in her career. She found that the program was far too complicated and time consuming for her to be able to follow it. I know that preparing food had become nearly a full time occupation for me! She offered to pay me if I would make a month long menu with recipes, and a shopping list for her. She also told me that she figured once I put it all together, I would have something I could publish. Ive gotta say... I was excited about the idea. I called my aunt and told her about it. She thought it was a great idea but had a word of warning..."if you're going to write this, you'll have to drop the "f" bomb from your vocabulary!"
I laughed and told her, "BS! If I'm going to write this I'm going to call it 'I Hate to fu*#ing diet!' and I am going to tell it like I see it!" It took me months and months to write down my recipes while I was developing more all of the time. Just this weekend I made a vegetable dish that would bring tears to your eyes! I really enjoy coming up with food that tastes so good, no one would guess that it's low fat, no sugar healthy eating! I'm trying to test market the menu right now (on someone besides me!) My friend Rosa has kept on it, even though her husband refuses to even try "that diet stuff." She has been preparing the healthy food for herself while preparing second meals for him. She told me that he got home one night and asked her, "what's for dinner?" She had stuff out to prepare for him but was just too tired to make another meal. "So I told him, 'I made spaghetti tonight!'" He ate his up completely and told her, "Wow, your spaghetti turned out great !" When she whispered the story to me the next day, I covered my mouth so he wouldn't catch me laughing. "Do you mean," I asked her, "he ate the spaghetti from my recipe and loved it?" "Yes," she whispered gleefully. I laughed out loud then and said, "I can't wait to harass that ass!" Rosa grabbed my arm and in a low, fierce voice said, "you just keep your mouth shut! He doesn't need to know what I feed him!" So, okay, I didn't get to laugh right in his face but I have sure snickered behind his back plenty! Wait until she feeds him my "Sweet, Hot Shrimp" recipe!
Rosa lost about 23 pounds that first month and said that the food was "fabulous!"
Eventually I went to my doctor for a checkup and complained about the itching and bitching. I had blood test results that said that my bad cholesterol was way down, but so was my good one! Also, protein levels showed that I was losing muscle along with the fat. Soooo... certain amounts of the right kind of fats are a necessary part of eating, and a person can get down to too few calories a day! Who knew? I sure as hell never thought I would hear a doctor tell me I needed to add a little fat and calories to my diet!!!
My husband... God love him, has never been rude or disrespectful about my weight. In fact even at my top weight he made me feel sexy and attractive. That is mostly attributable to the fact that he is just a horny guy... but I don't mind reaping the benefits! The only thing he ever said to me was, one time, with nothing but love in his eyes, "I can't ever imagine having to live without you and sometimes your health scares me." What a guy huh? So, being the wonderfully supportive mate that he is, he said he would start this diet program with me. He, at that time, could stand to lose 20 or 30 pounds. He also lost very rapidly, too fast for his own good. In a matter of 2 or 3 months he lost 45 pounds. He now weighs the same as when he got out of high school! The problem is... it was not a healthy loss at that speed. He looked emaciated at first, and his color was off. He was tired all of the time. His mom hadn't seen him in awhile and wasn't aware of the fact that we were dieting... she freaked! Too many people asked him if he was sick. I didn't know enough at that point to realize that there is a lot more to improving your health than just losing weight as quickly as possible. (My son, third person in the household trying the diet program bailed after a week, "this is bullshit, I'm not doing it!")
I realized that I needed to find a way that I could serve up good tasting food, using the right kind of healthful ingredients so that we could stay on a comfortable and healthful eating program for the rest of our lives. I also knew that I wanted my husband to quit losing weight but maintain the weight he was at, while I still had a lot of weight to lose and was unwilling to lose it too slowly. I am a creative thinker and was soon coming up with recipes that were great but still within the guidelines that I had created for myself.
At the same time, my sister, who lives in another state was also trying to go on the same diet program. She is a professor and was very busy in her career. She found that the program was far too complicated and time consuming for her to be able to follow it. I know that preparing food had become nearly a full time occupation for me! She offered to pay me if I would make a month long menu with recipes, and a shopping list for her. She also told me that she figured once I put it all together, I would have something I could publish. Ive gotta say... I was excited about the idea. I called my aunt and told her about it. She thought it was a great idea but had a word of warning..."if you're going to write this, you'll have to drop the "f" bomb from your vocabulary!"
I laughed and told her, "BS! If I'm going to write this I'm going to call it 'I Hate to fu*#ing diet!' and I am going to tell it like I see it!" It took me months and months to write down my recipes while I was developing more all of the time. Just this weekend I made a vegetable dish that would bring tears to your eyes! I really enjoy coming up with food that tastes so good, no one would guess that it's low fat, no sugar healthy eating! I'm trying to test market the menu right now (on someone besides me!) My friend Rosa has kept on it, even though her husband refuses to even try "that diet stuff." She has been preparing the healthy food for herself while preparing second meals for him. She told me that he got home one night and asked her, "what's for dinner?" She had stuff out to prepare for him but was just too tired to make another meal. "So I told him, 'I made spaghetti tonight!'" He ate his up completely and told her, "Wow, your spaghetti turned out great !" When she whispered the story to me the next day, I covered my mouth so he wouldn't catch me laughing. "Do you mean," I asked her, "he ate the spaghetti from my recipe and loved it?" "Yes," she whispered gleefully. I laughed out loud then and said, "I can't wait to harass that ass!" Rosa grabbed my arm and in a low, fierce voice said, "you just keep your mouth shut! He doesn't need to know what I feed him!" So, okay, I didn't get to laugh right in his face but I have sure snickered behind his back plenty! Wait until she feeds him my "Sweet, Hot Shrimp" recipe!
Rosa lost about 23 pounds that first month and said that the food was "fabulous!"
Thursday, September 10, 2009
I HATE TO F---ING DIET!!!
Introductions are in order!
It has been strongly suggested, by friends and family, that I start writing a blog about the process I am going through in trying to lose a hell of a lot of weight. At one point my doctor told me that my only option was bypass surgery or that band thing... Bullshit!!! I started my diet one year ago and have lost weight very quickly! I have created this menu/cookbook/shopping list tool that I hope to market someday. That day being when I have finally, FINALLY lost all of the weight that I need to lose. That puts me into... about a year from now time frame. Whew! I would like to start right out by stating that this is not a diet plan! It is not a cook book!I am not a doctor, or a nutritionist. Hell, I’m not even a chef! I’m just a fat chick who has lost a fair amount of weight (140 pounds so far) by changing the way I eat. I have a lot more weight to lose. Once I lose 150 pounds I will no longer tell people how much I’ve lost because I do not want to see their eyes roll back in their heads while they try to figure out what I topped out at! (Hell no, I’m not telling you, either!)
Why the hostile title, “ I HATE TO FU*#ING DIET!” you might ask? Well, I’ll tell you… because it is true! I have been on so many diets, so many times, only to lose weight then gain even more back as soon as I quit being hyper vigilant! I am sick of it! If you have a lot to lose, then losing 2 or even 5 pounds a month is demoralizing before you even start.I found that you eat food that is tasteless, feel hungry all of the time, dream of eating the good stuff… and for all of the suffering you do, the results are far less than satisfying.
I wrote this menu, shopping list and recipe collection because I wanted to create a tool for the average person that is simple, easy and fun to follow and offers food that I think is really tasty. There are certain foods that I have just cut out of my life. I thought I would miss them, in fact maybe sometimes I do, but the truth is… I don’t miss them much, or often. For me, just axing them out of my diet is a more simple alternative to trying to eat tiny portions of them. I’m telling you, if I have access to an open bag of chips, I will eat them till they are gone! So… no more chips in my life! (That is not entirely true, there is a recipe in my menu plan for homemade chips that are better than any you can buy, and you can eat them often!) So, what have I cut out? Sugar, wheat, beef, egg yolks, salt (as much as possible) and almost all fats. I have learned that some fats are necessary, so I use flax seed oil and occasionally an avocado sneaks into the menu. I eat potatoes, rice and I even eat pasta. The secret is… I only eat rice based pasta. It costs a little more, but it is well worth it!
The other really important habit I have developed is that I drink A LOT of water. I try to drink 90 to 100 ounces of water a day. There are nights when I have to get up and pee every two hours! You know what I tell myself? “I’ll be down in the morning!” and it’s true! I do not count diet teas or drinks as a water substitute, although I drink a lot of plain hot tea, and I do sort of count that in.
Just losing the first 140 pounds has created so many changes in me that I am often just... almost befuddled. Some are great, some not so much. After years of dreaming of "shopping off the rack" instead of ordering specialty fat clothes, I am doing so! Yes, I am still buying clothes in sizes that would send a skinny bitch screaming, but by God they are normal clothes and that is very cool! On the non ego front, yes cholesterol levels and blood sugar levels are way down and completely within the normal range. Also, and this is weird... I came out of menopause after the first 50 pounds. That doesn't seem like a great thing but comparing menstrual cycle to hot flashes and... oh my God bitchiness, I'll take the monthly! (Unfortunately I will have to face menopause again someday, but I will leave that concern for my husband to worry about!)
What has been sort of funky is my body changes, believe it or not. I am smaller, and look better (although still seriously a fat chick) but criminy... the underarm wings and soggy gut are too disgusting. The nurse in my doctors office growled at me, when I had the temerity to whine,
"IT'S A SMALL PRICE!" But in all honesty... Eww!
So, once I get going on this blog thing (too old to pretend technical savvy) I will write down the daily trials and victories... let you in on some more of the experience up to now and maybe share a recipe or two.
It has been strongly suggested, by friends and family, that I start writing a blog about the process I am going through in trying to lose a hell of a lot of weight. At one point my doctor told me that my only option was bypass surgery or that band thing... Bullshit!!! I started my diet one year ago and have lost weight very quickly! I have created this menu/cookbook/shopping list tool that I hope to market someday. That day being when I have finally, FINALLY lost all of the weight that I need to lose. That puts me into... about a year from now time frame. Whew! I would like to start right out by stating that this is not a diet plan! It is not a cook book!I am not a doctor, or a nutritionist. Hell, I’m not even a chef! I’m just a fat chick who has lost a fair amount of weight (140 pounds so far) by changing the way I eat. I have a lot more weight to lose. Once I lose 150 pounds I will no longer tell people how much I’ve lost because I do not want to see their eyes roll back in their heads while they try to figure out what I topped out at! (Hell no, I’m not telling you, either!)
Why the hostile title, “ I HATE TO FU*#ING DIET!” you might ask? Well, I’ll tell you… because it is true! I have been on so many diets, so many times, only to lose weight then gain even more back as soon as I quit being hyper vigilant! I am sick of it! If you have a lot to lose, then losing 2 or even 5 pounds a month is demoralizing before you even start.I found that you eat food that is tasteless, feel hungry all of the time, dream of eating the good stuff… and for all of the suffering you do, the results are far less than satisfying.
I wrote this menu, shopping list and recipe collection because I wanted to create a tool for the average person that is simple, easy and fun to follow and offers food that I think is really tasty. There are certain foods that I have just cut out of my life. I thought I would miss them, in fact maybe sometimes I do, but the truth is… I don’t miss them much, or often. For me, just axing them out of my diet is a more simple alternative to trying to eat tiny portions of them. I’m telling you, if I have access to an open bag of chips, I will eat them till they are gone! So… no more chips in my life! (That is not entirely true, there is a recipe in my menu plan for homemade chips that are better than any you can buy, and you can eat them often!) So, what have I cut out? Sugar, wheat, beef, egg yolks, salt (as much as possible) and almost all fats. I have learned that some fats are necessary, so I use flax seed oil and occasionally an avocado sneaks into the menu. I eat potatoes, rice and I even eat pasta. The secret is… I only eat rice based pasta. It costs a little more, but it is well worth it!
The other really important habit I have developed is that I drink A LOT of water. I try to drink 90 to 100 ounces of water a day. There are nights when I have to get up and pee every two hours! You know what I tell myself? “I’ll be down in the morning!” and it’s true! I do not count diet teas or drinks as a water substitute, although I drink a lot of plain hot tea, and I do sort of count that in.
Just losing the first 140 pounds has created so many changes in me that I am often just... almost befuddled. Some are great, some not so much. After years of dreaming of "shopping off the rack" instead of ordering specialty fat clothes, I am doing so! Yes, I am still buying clothes in sizes that would send a skinny bitch screaming, but by God they are normal clothes and that is very cool! On the non ego front, yes cholesterol levels and blood sugar levels are way down and completely within the normal range. Also, and this is weird... I came out of menopause after the first 50 pounds. That doesn't seem like a great thing but comparing menstrual cycle to hot flashes and... oh my God bitchiness, I'll take the monthly! (Unfortunately I will have to face menopause again someday, but I will leave that concern for my husband to worry about!)
What has been sort of funky is my body changes, believe it or not. I am smaller, and look better (although still seriously a fat chick) but criminy... the underarm wings and soggy gut are too disgusting. The nurse in my doctors office growled at me, when I had the temerity to whine,
"IT'S A SMALL PRICE!" But in all honesty... Eww!
So, once I get going on this blog thing (too old to pretend technical savvy) I will write down the daily trials and victories... let you in on some more of the experience up to now and maybe share a recipe or two.
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