I HATE TO F---ING DIET!!!

When I first started out on this weight loss journey, I tried a commercial diet program that promised really fast weight loss. I am here to tell you that it was fast!!! In 6 weeks I lost just over 40 pounds. That seems like the answer to prayers but there were some problems as well. For one thing it was really hard core! The amount of food you ate was fine, you really weren't hungry but I didn't know how to be creative enough to make the food palatable. There were three of us in the house hold trying to follow the program (more about that later) and just the shear volume of organizing and cooking was exhausting! This program had almost no fat in it, which seems like a better idea than it actually is! Within a few weeks my back was itching so bad I almost went crazy. Then I broke out in a dry, nasty rash all over my belly and sides. I also found that losing weight that fast wreaks havoc with your body in other ways. I felt exhausted and was very emotional and about half crazy. I don't know, some of that might have been menopause. One morning I got up early to make breakfast for my husband and myself, and I was a little tearful... for no visible reason. My husband sprinkled a little Splenda on his bland, milk free oatmeal and commented casually, "we're almost out of Splenda." I burst into tears and with great wracking sobs cried, "We are almost out of Splenda!" He just stared at me and finally said, "wow." (My husband is a man of few words.)

Eventually I went to my doctor for a checkup and complained about the itching and bitching. I had blood test results that said that my bad cholesterol was way down, but so was my good one! Also, protein levels showed that I was losing muscle along with the fat. Soooo... certain amounts of the right kind of fats are a necessary part of eating, and a person can get down to too few calories a day! Who knew? I sure as hell never thought I would hear a doctor tell me I needed to add a little fat and calories to my diet!!!

My husband... God love him, has never been rude or disrespectful about my weight. In fact even at my top weight he made me feel sexy and attractive. That is mostly attributable to the fact that he is just a horny guy... but I don't mind reaping the benefits! The only thing he ever said to me was, one time, with nothing but love in his eyes, "I can't ever imagine having to live without you and sometimes your health scares me." What a guy huh? So, being the wonderfully supportive mate that he is, he said he would start this diet program with me. He, at that time, could stand to lose 20 or 30 pounds. He also lost very rapidly, too fast for his own good. In a matter of 2 or 3 months he lost 45 pounds. He now weighs the same as when he got out of high school! The problem is... it was not a healthy loss at that speed. He looked emaciated at first, and his color was off. He was tired all of the time. His mom hadn't seen him in awhile and wasn't aware of the fact that we were dieting... she freaked! Too many people asked him if he was sick. I didn't know enough at that point to realize that there is a lot more to improving your health than just losing weight as quickly as possible. (My son, third person in the household trying the diet program bailed after a week, "this is bullshit, I'm not doing it!")

I realized that I needed to find a way that I could serve up good tasting food, using the right kind of healthful ingredients so that we could stay on a comfortable and healthful eating program for the rest of our lives. I also knew that I wanted my husband to quit losing weight but maintain the weight he was at, while I still had a lot of weight to lose and was unwilling to lose it too slowly. I am a creative thinker and was soon coming up with recipes that were great but still within the guidelines that I had created for myself.



At the same time, my sister, who lives in another state was also trying to go on the same diet program. She is a professor and was very busy in her career. She found that the program was far too complicated and time consuming for her to be able to follow it. I know that preparing food had become nearly a full time occupation for me! She offered to pay me if I would make a month long menu with recipes, and a shopping list for her. She also told me that she figured once I put it all together, I would have something I could publish. Ive gotta say... I was excited about the idea. I called my aunt and told her about it. She thought it was a great idea but had a word of warning..."if you're going to write this, you'll have to drop the "f" bomb from your vocabulary!"
I laughed and told her, "BS! If I'm going to write this I'm going to call it 'I Hate to fu*#ing diet!' and I am going to tell it like I see it!" It took me months and months to write down my recipes while I was developing more all of the time. Just this weekend I made a vegetable dish that would bring tears to your eyes! I really enjoy coming up with food that tastes so good, no one would guess that it's low fat, no sugar healthy eating! I'm trying to test market the menu right now (on someone besides me!) My friend Rosa has kept on it, even though her husband refuses to even try "that diet stuff." She has been preparing the healthy food for herself while preparing second meals for him. She told me that he got home one night and asked her, "what's for dinner?" She had stuff out to prepare for him but was just too tired to make another meal. "So I told him, 'I made spaghetti tonight!'" He ate his up completely and told her, "Wow, your spaghetti turned out great !" When she whispered the story to me the next day, I covered my mouth so he wouldn't catch me laughing. "Do you mean," I asked her, "he ate the spaghetti from my recipe and loved it?" "Yes," she whispered gleefully. I laughed out loud then and said, "I can't wait to harass that ass!" Rosa grabbed my arm and in a low, fierce voice said, "you just keep your mouth shut! He doesn't need to know what I feed him!" So, okay, I didn't get to laugh right in his face but I have sure snickered behind his back plenty! Wait until she feeds him my "Sweet, Hot Shrimp" recipe!

Rosa lost about 23 pounds that first month and said that the food was "fabulous!"